Teachers

My father would drive me and my siblings by the school.  I remember the picket line well; it stretched the length of the short road that was in front of my elementary school.  Familiar faces holding signs and chanting things I did not understand.  Apparently, dad did.  He would rant how selfish and greedy they were, how they should be in the classroom teaching but nooo they cared more about money, money, money.  This would be a song I heard often sung by my father.  He didn't like teachers.  He may have liked the people, but as teachers, he did not.  Much of my father's opinions were heard very loud in our home and often.  From teacher strikes to politics we knew his stance and I took on some of those opinions myself.

I grew up and had my own children.  Five beautiful smart kiddos filled my home.  I didn't rant about teacher strikes or politics, I figured it was beyond their understanding just like it was mine and I was learning I had my own contradicting opinions.  We started homeschooling when my now 12 yr. old was seven.  Throughout our homeschooling years, I fell in love with teaching my kids and through this process I began to appreciate teachers.  I only taught four children five days a week and oh my goodness...so much work!  Public school teacher average 20 plus students each! I learned the sacrifices teachers make for their children…time, energy, money, emotional investment, just to name a few.  

I cherished our homeschooling years, last year we returned to school.  Beautiful teachers poured into my children.  They sincerely cared for them, tendered their hearts, challenged my kids, and worked hard to give them a solid education asking for nothing in return.  Through the year I made special efforts to let the teachers know that I appreciated them.  I cried with K & S's teacher as we closed the first-grade chapter of their lives.  Each year counts, each teacher makes a difference.

I witnessed firsthand their character, which was nothing like the picture my father attempted to paint.  Even when I was a child, I didn’t view my teachers the same way he did. My husband and I can remember teachers from almost every year of school…we named them for our kids over supper one night.  I’m not sure they were impressed, but it says I remember you; you made an impact.

Today we live in the big ol' state of Texas and my children are in school.  Yesterday was their second day.  It’s been quite the culture shock for us, coming from a school of approximately 300ish students to well over 1,000!  From one 6th grade class to eight!  From one language (English) to several (English, Chinese, Spanish).  We love it, we are embracing it, we are excited about it.  AND the teachers are fantastic!  I have spent several days in the school helping with little projects, learning faces and names and I saw firsthand the efforts being made to make this a wonderful school year.  

CONFESSION...I disagree wholeheartedly with my father.  I love teachers!  I got giddy with excitement when I saw #clearthelist on social media.  I love to give.  I LOVE random acts of kindness (RAK, see my Pinterest board on the right-hand side).  It’s a genius idea to show the teachers how much we appreciate them.  And its super easy...just ask them for their amazon wish list, click an item, check out and its sent directly to them.  You can even include a note!  This is just one simple, fast, easy way to show your appreciation.  Other ideas...send them personal thank you notes, a Starbucks drink card, smelly stickers, offer your TIME!  

CHALLENGE: Ok, I think I have made it clear how much I adore teachers.  I want to challenge you to a couple things...

-If you believe something from your childhood that was impressed upon you by your parents or someone else, I challenge you to look closer, dig deeper and ask yourself if YOU truly believe it for yourself.

-volunteer in your child's classroom even if it’s just for an hour and see firsthand their hearts.

-If you can't volunteer, and even if you can...ask them for their list and bless them.  Maybe you can only afford to buy a pack of pens or a $3.99 book, trust me, they appreciate it.  If you are financially able clear their list...buy it ALL!  It’s fun and it’s worth it!  Remember they are educating the future generation of our nation...it matters!

-Thank your teachers, from your childhood...while you still can.

I know I will miss many but I feel led to mention those who do come to mind...

Mrs. Lowell, Mrs.Bridges, Mrs. Lockhart, Mrs. Riedemann...a few of K&S's teachers.  

Elizabeth Boggs, Wendi Cramer, Kristi Aseltine, Rachel Pitcher, Mrs. Pullen, Mrs. Severson, Mrs. Stanley, Mrs. Warfel, Mrs. Donaldson, Mrs. Dixon, Mrs. Wetzel, Mrs. Shaffer...a few of Z&E's teachers.

Mrs. Greathouse, Mrs. Jordan, Mrs. Childress, Mrs. Eskew, Mrs. Duzan (both of you!) and Mr. Duzan, Mr. Foreman, Mrs. Hood, Mrs. Meese, Mrs. Eckerty, Mrs. Hawkins, Mrs. Andrews, Mrs. Stites, Mr. & Mrs. Tracy, Mr. Sullivan, Mrs. Stewart, Mrs. Roll, oh goodness, so many, cause I'm old, you know who you are!  

(Mrs. Wheeler and I years later, she was my Home Economics teacher in highschool)

You are all appreciated!  You are all beautiful people!

Conversations That Matter

I made it to the chair but oh how the baggage of the day fights for my attention.  The Monday to-do list of laundry, dishes, fill bird feeders, water plants and all the last-minute back-to-school matters nag with persistence.  But here I am.

Be brave enough to start conversations that matter.

Yesterday we went to lunch with a couple from our Life Group. We enjoy getting to know our new Texan peeps in and out of the traditional setting.  We ate lunch at a Mexican restaurant, and if you know me at all, you know I don’t do spicy…not even a little.  I ordered my food from the menu laid out in white, black and red colors with devil spears covering the page.  I thought Oh boy, here we go!  By God’s grace I managed just fine and enjoyed the food.  I’m learning I like Tex-Mex, no heat please. It’s nothing like the Mexican food served in Illinois, use your imagination.

I love hearing God’s goodness sprinkled in the lives of those around us.  Our new friends were open and vulnerable with us.  I enjoyed every minute of their story!  Go deep or go home. I know its not for everyone and there is a time and place to be had for sharing such depth.  We all enjoyed a great time of authenticity and connection.  I think I have shared before; I feel like God created each of us with a desire for community and connection, its rooted in our soul, in our being.  The question is are we brave enough to go there?

“You story could be the key that unlocks someone else’s prison, don’t be afraid to share it.”

We invited them back to our new home, our first couple to visit, yippee!  Brett made coffee and we settled in for more.  They listened with compassion and tears as we shared our life stories.  Its easy to want to close down pack our stories away in a box sealed, signed and delivered to the attic to never be opened again.  It’s safe there, not really, but it feels that way.  No risk.  No growth.  Brett and I made a choice, mutually together, sometime along the way that it isn’t our story, its God’s story.  He gets the glory for where we are today.  So, we unpack it together for our friends.  Its messy, not rehearsed.  We rip off our scabs and allow the pain to ooze once again.  We felt gutted, but safe.  Exposed but loved.  Vulnerable but appreciated.  Sharing our story is part of the healing journey, for us and those who listen.  More light penetrates the dark corners each time we choose to be brave enough to share.    

Our desire is for those who hear our pain and suffering to see Jesus in the midst, for them to catch a glimpse of his presence in our lives.  For His faithfulness to be evident throughout our struggles and times of despair when we hit bottom with no sense of direction.  We believe God is in the business of restoring and mending shattered lives.  We know he does; we are his evidence.  Your life may not unfold the way you had planned or hoped but trust God has you.  Redemption is beautiful, it’s worth it and its free.  We want to offer you hope along your journey and the courage to share your story. 

“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful” -Brene Brown.

Satan Doesn't Win

Day 2 of the writing conference...

I knew God had me right where he wanted me.  Three months prior in the foyer of my Home Church in Illinois a lady and I had an encounter.  We were sharing our pain with one another.  I had mentioned that I need to write a book and she said, "I knew this morning when I entered the church I was to share with you about this conference but I didn't know why til now."  She went on to say that an author will be attending a Women's conference in Indianapolis in August and she teaches people how to write their stories.  I was elated!  But it was in August...we would be moved to Texas by then and it wouldn't be possible for me to come back North.  I googled this story-writing-instructor and signed up for her emails.  Soon I received an email that she would hold a writing conference in Houston, an hour from my new town two months after I arrive.  Not a Women's conference, a writer's conference, exactly what I desired.  I asked hubby if we could make it happen so soon after the move, he agreed I should go.  God provided every penny for me to register.  When it came to booking a two night stay in Houston (which was the same price as the conference) I became nervous and contemplated canceling.  God in His goodness came through once again using my awesome hubby's points to get my hotel for FREE!  When you know God calls you to it, that's one thing, when He lights up the path, its a no-brainer.

Back to the conference...I met loads of inspiring writers, but I began to pray for God to give me the one person.  Someone to connect with on a more personal level.  We all long for connection and community, God created us for intimacy.  I don't remember exactly when it happened.  It was the end of the day, as everyone was making their way to the exit I met her.  I commented on her clothes.  She was dressed for Summer and just darling.  We ventured to the stone table and benches under the tree where we talked and laughed and talked and laughed.  We connected and neither of us wanted it to end, she invited me to attend Beth Moore's bible study with her across town.

Across town.  It shouldn't be that difficult to grab a quick bite to eat and get there within 30 minutes.  (Here is where my small town living, completely ignorant to the Houston traffic way of life comes into play).  The plan was to meet at Fuddruckers, get a bite to go, and meet at the church, easy enough.  I pulled into the parking lot and parked at the entrance waiting for my new friend, all the while being eye balled by a police officer in a golf cart.  I have no idea why there is a police officer in a golf cart in the parking lot of Fuddruckers. But rest assured, there was!  I waited and waited.  I decided to order my food but I wasn't at Fuddruckers. *gasp* Sound the music, the fun is about to begin!  Seriously, I had been waiting fifteen minutes in the parking lot, at the wrong location.  My heart had started to beat fast, and I wondered why I hadn't grabbed my new friend's phone number.  I walked to my car which is now parked in the middle of a large massive parking lot surrounded by three restaurants and there it is, in all its glory... FUDDRUCKERS.  I pass my car, jump the wooden fence, all the while the police officer is eyeballing me real close. I swing the door open and order my to-die-for hamburger with bacon, no onions please.  The clock is ticking and I'm starting to panic that I will be late for Beth Moore's bible study.  Who walks in late to a Beth Moore bible study?  I grab my food and go only to pace the parking lot for five minutes searching for my car. *Arghhh*

I have ten minutes to make it from one side of Katy FREEWAY to the other.  I'm an experienced driver, I have driven in Chicago and LA.  Maybe it was just the pressure of time or the FACT that my GPS doesn't know the difference between interstate 10 and Katy freeway but this was not happening the way I imagined it.  Turn right, left, right, right, simple.  Nope.  On the GPS the roads seem to overlap and the signs say something different than the GPS.  The road, ummm, all eight lanes of it without warning become two and arch up into the heavens and split in half.  I think to myself, this can't be happening.  Quick which way, which way?  North or South?  I know now that I have long passed my "right" turn to the church and that where ever these two roads lead (tolls, they lead to tolls) is not where I want to go!  Its becoming clear to me that Satan doesn't want me at this bible study and that he was the mastermind behind the engineering of Houston's interstates.  I pay the tolls, turn around and arrive ten minutes late to the church.

The church isn't ginormous, but there are several buildings and entrances.  I'm a little shaken up by now as I'm walking to the entrance. I walk in on a Celebrate Recovery meeting happening in the foyer. Okay God, if this is where you want me, okay. I've done CR before but if you want me to do it again, okay.  I'm about to surrender, I smile, they smile back (bless them) and I keep walking.  The next group was not the bible study either. It was a room full of math tech nerds. They were studying serious math with letters, numbers, brackets in equations the length of the board, I'm NOT overreacting.  They look at me and I look at them and ask "do you know where Beth Moore's bible study is?"  They look at me like I'm an alien, and said with puzzled looks "No, no ma'am, we don't."  I'm convinced they may not have realized in all their math wizardry that they were in a church, not a university and it was more weird for them to be here than me!  I can feel tears wanting to surface but nope...I will find this bible study, Satan is not winning tonight.  I bump into a fella, and I ask if he knows where the study is happening and he does. Thank goodness, finally! We jump on his golf cart and he drives me to another building.  He giggles at my inability to make it from one side of the interstate to the other. I'm less amused at the moment.

Praise Jesus I have arrived. I'm late but they are singing. My friend finds me and we hug as I'm about to drop to the ground and shatter.  She said she had just arrived five minutes ago because she had some difficulty at the interstate exchange.  You don't say!

The worship was fantastic. Here I was, finally, at Beth Moore's bible study surrounded by beautiful women eager to learn God's word. There is no place I would rather be. Beth delivers a solid message, affirming what God had revealed to me the day before through the stranger (see previous post) but that's a whole other story for another day.

Lessons I learned:
-Don't give up and let the devil win.
-Don't trust a GPS in Houston
-I think Katy Expressway and Interstate 10 are one of the same, but I'm not 100% sure.  I hope a reader will let me know.
-I think golf carts are "a thing" in Houston.
-Jumping fences in parking lots is frowned upon by the Houston Police.
-Math classes are held at church...there may be a very good reason for that, intercessory help.

If you learned from my eccentric experience, please comment and enlighten me!

A Gut Punch Gift from a Stranger

I went to a three day writer's conference this week.  It was fantastic!  I soaked in so much knowledge my brain still hurts!  I have a story for each day.  This is from day 1...

The beautiful Beth Moore had just finished speaking and eager fans beelined to meet her.  Two lines had formed to get autographs, tell stories, hugs and selfies.  One line was moving incredibly fast and the other at a snail's pace.  People were starting to push, roll eyes and sigh.  The following happened quite quickly (I'm paraphrasing even though I have used quotes).  If you know me, I'm fierce (according to Beth Moore) and sympathetic (according to my husband) so I said, "ya'all there are two lines here, can we take turns so both lines are moving."  A lady out of no where called me by name and said, "Now Micah that is not a spirit filled attitude to have here!" as she quickly walked away.  What?!  Who was that?  Gut Punch!  I'm at a conference with approx 200 plus people that I don't know and she called me out by name.  I caught a glimpse of her.  Both lines now started to move but I wondered who was that?  Was I really rude?  No one else seem offended or would they say if they were? Everyone is so kind in Texas maybe they were thinking "bless her" or "she needs Jesus"  but they would never say!  My mind started to spin.  Satan does that.  He will take a situation and twist it and turn it and attack you with it or make you feel under attack.  It was happening, right here, right now, on the first night of a three day conference.

We were all encouraged to grab supper with our fellow attendees and answer the questions, "What has been your biggest struggle?" and "What has been your biggest accomplishment?" I found myself in an authentic Mexican restaurant (I don't eat Mexican) with five COMPLETE strangers.  It was a stretch even for this extrovert.  We had a wonderful dinner, and it was so yummy!  Surprise, who would have thought I actually DO like Mexican food!  I truly enjoyed hearing each person's stories.  Sitting next to me was an older woman sharing her heartache. I thought...her voice sure does sound familiar, could she be the woman who called me out?

 As we walked out of the restaurant I tapped this stranger on the shoulder and asked,
"Were you the one who called me out in line?"
"Yes, I did, are you ok? she replied.
Yes, I'm fine.
"It was snarky Micah"
"Ya perhaps, I just wanted it to be fair"
"yes, I know, you wanted justice"
"I do want justice, how do you know that?"
"broken people do"
I went on to share a snippet of my story and why I seek justice in so many areas of my life.  She listened.  I went back to my car and sobbed.  I asked God what he was wanting me to learn here because a part of me did not like the way this stranger called me out.  I was honest with God...is this pride?  Are you exposing my flesh?  Truth be told, had she been gentle, I would not have heard her nor would I have questioned the Lord in what he was seeking to expose and teach me.  I called Brett and shared all of this with him and we agreed God was speaking.

The next morning I spoke with this stranger again and thanked her for calling me out.  I expressed to her that I needed to hear it but it didn't feel good.  Refining never does.  I felt like the whole room heard her and that she shamed me.  Her message was needed and heard but her approach was off.  Let's be honest...all of us are often off in our approach to others.  She heard me, affirmed that she didn't mean to cause any more pain.  We listened to each other, well, in my opinion.  I acknowledged that I need refining and that I got the message from God through her.  She acknowledged she needs to be conscientious of when to be more tender and gentle especially when working with broken people in her line of work.  This was iron sharpening iron at its best!

This stranger had given me a gift.  The gift of awareness of how I come across to others.  The gift of zeroing in on the voice of God through strangers.  The gift of refining me to become more like HIM.   We are all a work in progress, in a refining fire.  I desperately desire more of Him and less of me.

Have you been gut punched by a stranger?  Was there a lesson to be had?  What did you learn?  Share your story with me, I can't wait to hear it and learn from you.

Seeking Justice. Loving Mercy. Walking humbly with my God;
Micah

The Wisdom of Tenderness #2

Still slowly going through the book.  Devouring precious nuggets of wisdom. I love a good book!

This entry won't be near as long as the last.  Partly because I don't want to share everything with you...I want you to get the book and read it!  Same as before, I'm going to highlight sentences from the book and put my thoughts in parenthesis.

-Living in tenderness leads us out of the house of fear. The wisdom to see the tenderness of God at work in tribulation and consolation delivers the ragamuffin (that is me and you) from the house of fear, sets her free from the worries, tensions, and pressure of our torn and tearing world, and makes the words of Jesus her cry of liberation: "There is no need to be afraid, little flock, for it has pleased your Father to give you the Kingdom." Luke 12:32.  (I don't know about you but sometimes fear can be paralyzing. In my humanness, my thoughts can easily turn negative, dark and doubtful and fear can flood in. I appreciate his insight, for pages, on fear and resting in the Lord.

- (all my writing here) Along with the fear he writes about being present.  Which we hear a lot of these days from meditation guides.  "Be present, be all here"...blah blah blah. Manning's drive is to get you to be aware of your life and enjoy the moment as a means to an end.  To love our whole story. Which I love...think about it....do you embrace all those dark, trying periods of your life?  Do you see the beauty HE has made from ashes when you look in the mirror?

-If Paul hadn't gone through the humble but enlightening experience of divine tenderness, he might well have become pathological.  (Can you imagine scripture without Paul!  Can you accept that Jesus loves you just as much as he loved Paul?  He is on to you, He is out for your soul, just like he was Paul).

-Self-hatred for real or imagined failures begets crippling guilt and is spawned by the father of lies. (Back up to point one, here we have it again....paralyzing, crippling fear....only comes from one place my friend and its NOT our heavenly Father.)

-Manning talks a lot about the benefits of living in tenderness.  Pick up the book and soak it all in.  Here are a few...

     -lets us live in trust, transparency and compassion.

     -bringing awareness of the loving gaze of Jesus.

     -makes us present without an agenda, stress and distress.

     -unspoken assurance that Jesus will provide the grace for the next step.

-A quote from the book "The one thing we owe absolutely to God is never to be afraid of anything."  (So easy to say, So hard to live out.)

-God's grace always precedes his call.  (In a pastor's office I once read the words..."God does not call the equipped, he equips those he calls."  This could be a whole blog entry by itself!  With God as your guide anything is possible.  I have to remind myself that daily as I tackle homeschooling and motherhood....when I'm feeling so not capable!

-Tenderness involves a continuing and deepening dependence on God.  (So does falling in love with Jesus and trusting Him with your life!)

-Tenderness if the impeccable sense of feeling safe: it comes from knowing that I'm totally liked and thoroughly loved.  

-The sense of safety that the acceptance of tenderness engenders is accompanied by a growing loss of control.  (and there we have it, the dreaded word every type A person across the globe hates...control.) As we become more comfortable w/ God's tenderness, we feel the reins on our life loosening and the stranglehold on our autonomous self slipping.  We no longer roar, clamoring for demands of perfection to be satisfied. There's less need to broadcast our established verities or to impose them on others as absolutes.  These are signs that self-acceptance is slowly maturing in the wisdom of accepted tenderness.  (I don't know about you, but I want that.  I want to relax, let go and allow God to move and mold me into His image.)

To live in the wisdom of accepted tenderness is to accept myself and everything that happens to me as a gift that's good; its to understand that my very existence is an expression of praise and thanks to God.  (I so want to get there!  I want to get to that place where is ALL about Him. Every breath, every thought, every action.)

-An additional effect of understanding God as the heart of tenderness is reconciliation.  Seen from a biblical perspective, reconciliation isn't primarily making up with another person; its making peace within ourselves in that dimension of our lives where we've preciously been unable to find peace.  Reconciliation is the inner healing of our hearts by the tenderness of Jesus.  Its a gentle growing into a oneness not of our own making. 

-He gives a story about a woman who had a horrific childhood and how she came to him one day and shared her struggle of survival for the majority of her life...having lived daily w/ the pain of abuse. And her encourages her to meditate (its OK, she is meditating on Jesus!) "Abba, I belong to you."  And she comes back and shares how it changed her.  I'm not going to tell you, you have to read the book! In Luke 18 we are encouraged to pray and not lose heart!

-It's in the crucible of pain and suffering that we become tender.  (how true!  We have no idea, until we have walked it. A friend just recently shared w/ me that she is able to "accept" and heal her miscarriage knowing that one day God may use her to help another Momma through the same sad situation.  Wow...how mature!  Accepting the hardship as a pathway to peace!)

Post one and two were my highlights from chapter one of "The Wisdom of Tenderness" by Brennan Manning, with some of my thoughts.  I want to encourage you to read the book.  Its loaded with great knowledge. Have a Blessed Day!

The Wisdom of Tenderness by Brennan Manning

I'm reading "The Wisdom of Tenderness" by Brennan Manning...and to say its a good book, would be an understatement. I'll share some of the things that found worth repeating. My thoughts are in the parantheseis, most emphasis is mine.

-If we accept the revelation of Jesus that God is Father, that there's "one God and Father of all, who is over all, and works through all, and is in all" (Eph 4:6) then we're making a statement, not just about God but about ourselves. Its to say we are his children, to acknowledge that other people are brothers and sisters in the human family. THIS understanding affects our lifestyle b/c it implies acceptance of others and responsibility for others; we do our best to give family members whatever they need. This familial relationship is to be taken literally, for its a thing of flesh and blood in the bond of the Holy Spirit. (I have lots of thoughts about this, but my question today is, Are we as Christians really living like this?)

-When we're steeped in selfishness, indifferent to the poor, tormented by lust, wallowing in self-pity and flattened by depression...God's love continues to carry us. God can't NOT love us. (I read this week of a momma who committed suicide to postpartum depression, I know more people than I count who are depressed, addicted, tired. He loves you, he loves me. Our Hope should lay in him and him alone. If he is for us, (and friend he IS) who can be against us? Romans 8:31. I love the lyrics to "Fierce" by Jesus Culture...."YOU CHASE ME DOWN, YOU SEEK ME OUT, HOW CAN I BE LOST, WHEN YOU HAVE CALLED ME FOUND." Something to think about)

-Do you accept yourself as one utterly loved by God? And truly liked? Do you wholeheartedly trust that God likes you? If you can answer yes to these questions, there comes a relaxedness and serenity, a compassionate attitude toward yourself in your brokenness, that elucidates the meaning of tenderness.

-On page 22 the question is posed "But what of God's justice?" (You will need to read it for yourself, its a lot to grasp, but these two things stood out) "I hope as much from the justice of God as from his mercy. It is b/c he is just that he is compassionate and full of tenderness....for he knows our weakness." -Therese of Lisieux. (that struck me as deep and profound. I don't know about you but for me I sometimes tend to lean towards the just side of God, forgetting the compassionate side. The God that is seeking me)

-What joy to think that God is just, that he takes account of our weaknesses, that he knows perfectly the fragility of our nature. (same thoughts from the section above, but yes add joy to the equation)

-LIVE IN THE WISDOM OF ACCEPTED TENDERNESS.

(you will have to read the book to grasp the concept)

-Every change in the quality of a Christian's life must grow out of a change in his / her vision of reality. (definitely not by someone else's rules, boundaries, and lack of tenderness which I see and hear so much of today, even in the Christian circles)

-The gentle spirit dwelling within us is the deepest expression of tenderness-indeed, the Spirit-filled Christian is one whose heart is OVERFLOWING with tenderness-and it represents the full healing of our pain through his coming to us. (still pondering this. I lack this experience from Christians. And its made me take a closer look at my own walk.)

-Biblically, tenderness is what follows when someone reveals to you your own inner beauty, when you discover your belovedness, when you experience that you are deeply and sincerely LIKED by someone. If you communicate to me that you really like me, not just love me as a brother in Christ, that you take delight me, then you open up to me the possibility of liking myself (and I will add from Brene Brown...the ability to be my true self and be vulnerable...from her book Daring Greatly) Brennan continues...The look of amiable regard in your eyes banishes my fears, and my defense mechanisms disappear into the nothingness. Your warmth withers my self-disdain and allows the possibility of self-esteem. The mask drops...becoming more open, sincere, VULNERABLE and affectionate w/ you than I would ever dream of being if I thought you didn't like me. (Its so cool that I am reading both of these books and they are touching on this very issue that I am so enthralled by. To me THIS is what I want to be and what I look for in relationships. It should be evident in Christian circles...its so beautiful!)

This is ONLY Chapter one. I'm excited to see what else he has to reveal! I really enjoy reading Brennan Manning. I think he GETS what many Christians don't, and he has a way of revealing it to the reader. And if you haven't watched "The Raggamuffin"....the life of Rich Mullins. Go watch it! And read "The Raggamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning.

Holy Spirit You Are Welcome Here

My husband wonders why I blog because I don't do it regulary. Life is crazy with five kids & two grandkids...so I do it when I can and more importantly when I feel inspired to share something worth sharing! I journal regularly in a paper journal, but sometimes God prompts my heart to share something with you (whoever you are!).  And goodness gracious...I want to be obedient!

Then I get right HERE.  God has given me so many thoughts...what exactly should I share?  So, I'm just gonna go with the two things he has given me lately.

Prayer. How is your prayer life?  Do you go through seasons where you are spot on with the Holy Spirit, listening and yearning for more? I sure do! I love when the Holy Spirit is at work and just clear cuts who to pray for and why. And then there at times its much more subtle...both equally important. I was driving up to Champaign the other day to visit precious perfect Owen (my grandson), listening to my favorite worship leaders...Jesus Culture, Kari Jobe & Hillsong (yes all of them, it was an hour drive) and the Spirit just washed over me. Giving me several people to knock on Heavens gates on their behalf. It was so powerful. I couldn't help but be moved to tears that Holy Spirit prompted my heart to pray for these people. There is nothing special about me and my prayer life that he would prompt me more than any other person. Except maybe at that moment I was listening and ready.  I want to encourage you to get to a place where you are still, quiet and ready for the Spirit to approach you. Jesus is always ready, willing and eager to spend time with us. We are the ones much to busy to listen and respond. But wow, what an amazing exchange of holiness when we are connected with the Spirit!

Secondly...God has given me several different verses over the last month with "wall" references. I know how important walls were back in the day.  They provided protection for a city. Without walls a city would not stand a chance against an invasion, they would be conquered, they would be extremely vulnerable. Guards would stand on walls all hours of the day and night, keeping an eye out. Take sometime and search scriptures with "wall" references and dig a little deeper. Are you standing on a wall in this season of your life? Are you protecting yourself from invasion by keeping yourself in fellowship and in the Word? God is always waiting and as a friend reminded me once...He always says...come....come as you are.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I honestly don't know how people manage social media between blogging, fb, twitter, instagram, pinterest, and periscope its really a bit too much!  I gave up on twitter and myspace a long time ago. I love to blog, facebook, pinterest and I'm new to instagram.  Just those few...is still too much for me! Anyways, all that to say...I want to focus in on what I love in 2016, and that is what my post is about tonight. I'm not 100% sure what next year is going to look like. I don't want to put God in a box and clarify what I AM going to do next year.  I want to be open to what HE wants to do with me next year. I do have a few things He has given me already...

If it doesn't bring you JOY, get rid of it! That will be my motto to help me decide what stays and what goes. I have too much stuff. Most people do. Do you? I have stuff that doesn't fill me up. Its clutter. It adds to my overwhelming feeling of excess. A friend once said, "if you have too much of anything, you have stolen from the poor." Too many coats? Shoes? Coffee mugs? You get the idea. Some purge in the Spring, I'm going to purge all year long. If it doesn't fill me up and bring me joy...it will find a new home!

While studying Romans 14 this past week I heard loud and clear ETERNAL SIGNIFICANCE. I want to focus on things of value in light of eternity. I don't want to nit pick about the clothes people wear, the food we eat, music enjoyed, the way we pray etc. I'm convinced Jesus calls us to something so much more profound and geniune than all that "stuff" (that in light of eternity is of little value).

I'm convicted along with the eternal significance process to invest more into my children. Yes, I homeschool, but even with that its so easy to get focused on academics, that the heart is neglected. Ouch! I know! I don't want to make that mistake. I want to be intentional with the little souls God has entrusted to me and my husband. I hope to spend more time with them one on one. More time talking about worldview vs kingdom view (google Tony Evan's Kingdom Kids...its a great resource). I want to hear more of their own thoughts, opinions, and ideas. They are growing up so fast!

Several people I follow on fb this past year have battled cancer. Ugly, heart wrenching, life changing cancer. It put things into perspective. I want to be intentional about making good memories with my family. This past May Brett and I spent our 10 year anniversary in Jamaica. It was wonderful! Beautiful! We sooooooo needed it.  And for Christmas this year, we went to Pa. Spent time with grandparents, great grandparents (another eye opener). Both of Brett's grandmothers are in their 90's living in an assisted living home. Wow. It was precious to be able to see them with our kids. They matter. We took our kids to Hershey Park for their Christmas Candy Lane...watching my children's faces light up was priceless. It was the highlight of my Christmas vacation. Lord willing 2016 will have many more fantastic memories...a grandbaby is expected in July! So exciting!!!! Maybe a trip to Hawaii...Brett?

I will continue a woman's Bible study I started with my friend Kris. Its beautiful to meet with other woman and explore God's Word together. We will begin Passion Pursuit in January. In April I will attend Hearts at Home in Peoria IL with a few of the women from this group, as well as some others. That is always a highlight of my year! I highly recommend it to all women.

I'm a retired scrapbooker. Seriously with my kiddos and homeschooling I had to give it up. There was no more time. I sold almost everything. And then...low and behold, just recently fell IN LOVE with Bible journaling and art journaling. Journaling, journaling, journaling...it feeds my soul. I hope to learn more and create more through this avenue.  Plus my kids enjoy doing it with me.

I'm excited about 2016. How about you? What are your hopes and dreams? What will you spend time enjoying? Who will you invest in / serve? What feeds your soul? How will you give God glory?

Happy New Year!

Carried to the Table

Well, here we are.  I average a post a month (pathetic I know). Maybe when I go on my facebook fast I'll write more here!
Brett and I are listening to Grace Awakening by Chuck Swindoll.  Its soooo good.  Go out and buy it now, you won't regret it. We are on disc 5/15 and he's discussing what GRACE looked like during King David's time. In 2 Samuel 9...we have King David asking if anyone is left from Saul's lineage. The maid responds that Jonathan has a crippled son Mephibosheth. King David sends for him and promises to restore all of Saul's land to him.  And he makes good on his promise.

Its a beautiful story. I say to Brett, "wow its so touching, it sounds a bit like that song CARRIED TO THE TABLE we have been enjoying this week." A quick google and boom..."When asked about the story behind "Carried to the Table", said, "One of the evangelists [my family] traveled with for two years had a message that spoke about that story of Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel. His message moved me so much that I fell in love with that story and couldn’t get it out of my head. He related [the story] in the message to how God carries us to the table. Things I can’t get out of my head, I make songs out of them. I sat in my room and prayed to God about it. I worked on [the song] two days and finally finished it.

I can't tell you how much I enjoy these sporadic moments when God connects. I'm still in awe and blessed by this story and this song. Study the Word of God and watch for the Lord to connect with you.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

A lifetime of learning

I'm stubborn and hard headed.  Sometimes it takes me a few (ok, maybe more than a few) lessons before I "get it."  I'm just being honest.  Brett and I have so much on our plates right now.  We only have two nights a week that are not commited to something. But I must say, adding my Monday night Women's Bible study has been a blessing. I have been going for a few months now and I appreciate how much I learn from it. Pouring over scripture that I have already read many times before, but seeing it in a different light! Brett and I also have been more diligent about our mornings together before he leaves for work.  God has been using that time to draw us closer to him and each other. I want to share somethings from these blessed times.  Please feel free to comment, add your thoughts. dig deeper and see if God is exposing something to you too.

~To be justified does NOT mean "just as if I'd never sinned."  This weakens the full impact of justification.  It really means; even though I still sin periodically and have found myself unable to stop sinning on a perament basis - God declared me righteous when I believed.  And because I will continue to sin from time to time, I find all the more reason to be grateful for grace. As a sinner I DESERVE vengeance. As a sinner I'm afraid of justice.  As a sinner my only hope for survival is grace.  In its purest form, it makes no earthly sense! -Charles Swindoll The Grace Awakening Devotional

Wow...I just love it.  I love all of it. I can embrace my brokeness, I know that I am a sinner. I have a much harder time wrapping my head around my sovereign gracious father's love for me...unconditionally, without abandonment.  Not matter how bad I screw it up. Its so much better than I deserve. My heart's desire is to walk in His light, not in darkness. I appreciate that the author spends time addressing those who abuse grace, and use it as a means to continue sinning. This is a great read...pick it up!

Here are a couple thoughts from "Creative Counterpart" by Linda Dillow

~Do you give 100%?  Or do you give 50?  What's your 100%?  To trust and obey.
Learning to trust and obey takes repetition and discipline.

Can I get an AMEN? Right here...this is where I trip up. The repetition and discipline part.  I can hope someday I get it right! I'm so tired of laying something down at the feet of Jesus, just to have picked it back up less than 10 minutes later.  Seriously! The author goes into detail on page 37 of this process...its reassuring that she makes mention this process takes a LIFETIME!

I love Fall.  The cool crisp mornings, the falling leaves, harvest time in Illinois...brrr. This morning I'm wrapped up in a shawl I made for my Great Grandmother.  She passed away and the shawl came back to me.  I love it, as did she.  Its warm. It reminds me of her. I can still see the smile on her face when she unwrapped it.  I miss her so much. She was wise in her years.  A beautiful strong Christian woman.

I'm embarrassed. I remember being a wild child, a rebellious and disrespectful teenager. I mocked her wisdom and direction when she tried to speak into my life. And now I would give anything for her insight, her encouragement, her wisdom.

I'm almost 40 years old now and I'm eager to learn the ways of the Lord. I crave that wisdom my great grandmother had. The word wisdom appears in the Bible more than 200 times. 200!

This morning while I'm snuggled up in my grandmother's shawl I'm going to continue to dig deeper into God's Word where wisdom can be found, faith can be restored, and real relationship with my Father happens. I want to be wise like my grandma when I'm 80 and pray my kids (and great grandkids, gulp) will not be like I once was.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Birthday Party

I have a tiny Hummingbird perched right outside my kitchen window, which my cat is stalking, but the Hummer doesn't care!  The breeze is cool and crisp at 6:16am and its going to be a gorgeous day. I'm excited to see what the Lord has in store!
Yesterday we celebrated Z's (7th) and Silas's (4th) birthdays.  It was a GREAT time. We had the pool, trampoline, bubble wands, tire swing and club house...all in full use!  And I loved every minute of it. I love seeing the smiles on their face as they enjoy their friends. The days are long and the years are short. I could go deep with this post but I'm not...I'm just going to soak up how great life is right now and share some pictures with you.  Its not always great, lots of days are hard.  I'm pretty sure God gives us the good days to get us through the rough days.  Something to look forward to and something to hang on to. (Pictures are not in order)  Enjoy...

 Look at those lips!

 He is being a goof...he claims he hates having his picture taken.  Poor kid...I love taking pictures!

 She LOVES and ADORES her Pappy Tim.  She even said, "HE LOOKED AT MY WISH LIST!" (b/c he bought her the stroller she has wanted for her baby dolls)

 My precious son KNOWS how to eat cake!

 Alyssa and her Daddy trying to master bubbles.

 Our wonderful neighbors Ray & Brandee came over after their trip to the Dinosaur show (hence the claw painted on her face). Silas...I have no idea!

 Our Homemade Minion Pinata up for a beatin'.

 Look at all those great kids!!!  There were quite a few gone due to illness and family vacations, approx 15-20 kids absent!  Yes, we love to have our yard full of fun!  Can u imagine?!  And even MORE if all the cousins could have made it.  Who really believes homeschooled kids don't have a social life...seriously?

 The loot!  My sweet niece Launah asked, "Will you have goodie bags?"  I love her!  I forgot to upload the picture of her licking my arm...true story!

 I love their precious little faces.

 Z has two cupcakes to fit 7 candles in! I laugh a little because what u don't see...is my perfectionism.  Its my enemy. And this picture not only shows my babies growing up, but it also shows my growth. I'm learning to breath and roll with the little things.  They are way more fun that way.  Nothing wrong with two cupcakes right!

 Cake, ice cream, chips, pretzels, cookies, Kool-Aid (kid crack...allowed ONLY at birthday parties) and ofcourse candy!

 My dear friend Meg and her daughter Madeline. I love Meg. She has always been my encouraging friend, especially when it comes to homeschooling and child raising. She remembers my pre-homeschool days when I kept shaking my head no!  She is a blessing in my life and Maddie too...her and Zahavah are so much alike!

 Aunt Jane and Z.

 Silas opening his Star Wars action figures from Grandma Laura.

 Z's gift from Aunt Jane...she knows we love stickers! (Z is holding a little horse in her hand too).  One can never have too many stickers!  Even if they are stuck to my kitchen floor...right?

 Zahavah and Alyssa share a love for girlie things and sweet Miah peeking in.

 Like I said...Z and Maddie LOVE a lot of the same things...baby dolls, playing house.  (Maddie has real glass bottles in her kitchen set...and Z is sure her kitchen set needs some too.)  I love their imaginations. Here Z is opening her AG Bitty Twins from Mom, Dad, Siblings and Grandma Laura.

 Ben is one of the cutest little fellas I know!  He is swinging with my beautiful grandbaby Kenzley.

Z, Maddie and Alyssa with her new babies and new stroller.

I'm bummed that I don't have any close ups of Miah, Autumn and the other Goff kids.  Its all good...memories were made and fun was had...that's what matters most!

I went to bed praising the Lord and feeling so blessed.

Forgiveness

Yep I'm writing on it again, because its something I have to revisit often. And when a song comes along that inspires me to press on...I wanna share it with the world.  Here it is "Drops in the Ocean" by Hawk Nelson, please go to YouTube and have a listen:

I want you as you are, not as you ought to be
Won't you lay down your guard and come to me
The shame that grips you now is crippling
It breaks my heart to see you suffering

Cause I am for you
I'm not against you

If you want to know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you want to see 
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean

Don't think you need to settle for a substitute 
When I'm the only love that changes you

Open your heart
It's time that we start again

Do you get stuck?  I get stuck. I get tangled up in the mess of my pain, the offense, the rejection, the betrayal.  Satan knows that and he uses it to pull me down, keep me bitter and separated.  Rolling around in my self-pity, doubt and despair.  Yuck!

When I heard this song, I played it several times over and over imaging the huge waves in the middle of the ocean, the beautiful deep blue.  Just how many drops? More than my mind can grasp. The song was inspired by Micah 7:19 "You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."

Isn't that amazing?  More than I can fathom.  As far as the east is from the west (another great song too, by Casting Crowns).  I can't grasp that amount or that distance!

But I can rest in knowing that it is TRUE! I can rejoice that even though its more than I can comprehend he loves me THAT much! You too!

And its there...when I am called to forgive...that I have to pause and remember what my Father has done for me. Daily surrender my human fleshly desire to stay mad and grab ahold to my Christlike ability to forgive.  It is Christlike and only possible with Him living through me, because on my own...IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.  On my own its ugly. But with Christ all things really are possible...even undeserved forgiveness.

Are you there...needing to forgive?  Surely I am not alone. Is it hard for you too? Its a two part process.  I have to accept that forgiveness from my Father for myself and rest in it; before I can even begin to extend it. It is a daily process for me. I don't want to be stuck in the ugly.  I want to live in the freedom of Jesus Christ and ALL He has to offer.

Have a Blessed Monday!

PS: Just another little note that has blessed me this week.  Its from Linda Dillow's book "Calm My Anxious Heart."   "Abiding is our obligation.  Producing fruit is God's concern.  Seek fellowship with Jesus and leave the fruit to him."

Hard but worth it

Its the last day of July, which means school is approaching. YIPPEE! Even as homeschoolers it's an exciting time. I clean all our bookshelves and declutter the art closet and drawers. I buy our workbooks (the kids literally cheer about this) for the up coming year and register for Classical Conversations. Everyone enjoys new crayons, markers, and folders...so I buy those. We have only homeschooled for a full year and 1/2 now, so I can't tell you when the excitement wears down, but it does. The great thing about homeschooling is I can schedule breaks anytime we like and we can get reenergized again! Its been an intense Summer (still is). A friend wrote a blog post about life being HARD, but still great...and she is so right! That has been my Summer. The little boys add an element that made it incredibly difficult to school at all this Summer...so we didn't! I know! *gasp* It was in the plans, but its ok. My plans are not God's plans and this Summer other things (like child training and play) were way more important than conquering math and cursive. HARD. Its all hard. The balance, the training, the new crazy Summer schedule, the new testing of limits that comes every few months...with each child! I had a woman ask me this week about homeschooling, Brett and I were very straightforward with her. We said things like, "its so hard, but its worth it," "you will never be ready to start," "the first six months I wondered what in the world I got myself into!"...all those things are true, but when God calls you and you are obedient...it works. It doesn't mean its easy, very few days are, but its worth it. There are things I wouldn't trade...cuddles with my kids while reading books, naps with them, watching that little light bulb go off when the finally understand, the excitement of learning, learning what they each enjoy and are eager to learn more about...it is great, but its hard. But when its hard, God shows up. He gets to show off his majesticness! (it's a word) I think he waits for us to crumble and humble ourselves so he can prove his faithfulness. Its also the time when we have to accept we can't do it on our own either (and even that's hard to admit).

Summer

Its been a crazy Summer. We have vacationed to Chicagoland area. We visited the pool. We have made new friends. I started an online Bible study (Hello Mornings) and then a friend asked me to do a book study with her, by my favorite author Linda Dillow! Honestly, I'm incredibly blessed. And I sit in awe of those blessings and the faithfulness of my Savior as the Summer is quickly nearing an end and its BACK TO SCHOOL!

Chicago was FUN! The kids earned FREE tickets to Six Flags through their reading program, and the weather was perfect! I typically highly dislike July in IL, if you like to breathe, you just can't! Its hot and humid and sticky...my Pastor says, "the air is like soup." And if anyone has ever been to Six Flags on a 90+ degree day...you know what I mean, BUT our day was not like that!  We had PERFECT weather and the kids had a wonderful time.  All the kiddos went on a roller coaster (without loops) for their first ride. Everyone was a big fan except Silas. Then Eli and I went on one WITH loops, we both said no to a second ride. Nuff said. Daddy and Eli went on a coaster too, and they both enjoyed it. I loved that Six Flags had lots of kiddie sections throughout the park. We all got super hero capes before we left!
We visited Lake Michigan, it was freezing, but fun. When we first arrived in Chicago we went to American Girl first. I wanted to see the store and experience the hype of it all. Z noticed we were going into the city and NOT towards Aunt Ashley's house and she declared, "Who is this American Girl anyways? I just want to go to Safina's!" Brett and I both giggled.  But once she stepped into the store, it clicked and she was in "heaven."  I was in shock.  She bought her doll a pair of glasses and some fake food, it was a pleasant experience.  Eli and the boys along with Daddy really enjoyed the Lego store next door, everyone got a little something and then we headed to Aunt Ashley's.  I will say...Chicagoland area has the BEST public parks EVER!  Our little town of Charleston, needs to step up their game.  We could have spent a whole day traveling to different parks...fun, fun, fun!

I love this picture, the lighting, the flowers, the people.

 My grandbaby Kenzley on the slide w/ Safina and Kenenisa

Lake Michigan!

 Super Heroes!

 Chicagoland area park!  Seriously fun!

 American Girl doll store!

 Before we entered Six Flags!

 My boys LOVED all the characters!

 Another city park. Brett is hanging and going around in circles!

 Lego Clone Tropper

K & Bugs!

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."