Yep I'm writing on it again, because its something I have to revisit often. And when a song comes along that inspires me to press on...I wanna share it with the world. Here it is "Drops in the Ocean" by Hawk Nelson, please go to YouTube and have a listen:
I want you as you are, not as you ought to be
Won't you lay down your guard and come to me
The shame that grips you now is crippling
It breaks my heart to see you suffering
Cause I am for you
I'm not against you
If you want to know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you want to see
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean
Don't think you need to settle for a substitute
When I'm the only love that changes you
Open your heart
It's time that we start again
Do you get stuck? I get stuck. I get tangled up in the mess of my pain, the offense, the rejection, the betrayal. Satan knows that and he uses it to pull me down, keep me bitter and separated. Rolling around in my self-pity, doubt and despair. Yuck!
When I heard this song, I played it several times over and over imaging the huge waves in the middle of the ocean, the beautiful deep blue. Just how many drops? More than my mind can grasp. The song was inspired by Micah 7:19 "You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."
Isn't that amazing? More than I can fathom. As far as the east is from the west (another great song too, by Casting Crowns). I can't grasp that amount or that distance!
But I can rest in knowing that it is TRUE! I can rejoice that even though its more than I can comprehend he loves me THAT much! You too!
And its there...when I am called to forgive...that I have to pause and remember what my Father has done for me. Daily surrender my human fleshly desire to stay mad and grab ahold to my Christlike ability to forgive. It is Christlike and only possible with Him living through me, because on my own...IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. On my own its ugly. But with Christ all things really are possible...even undeserved forgiveness.
Are you there...needing to forgive? Surely I am not alone. Is it hard for you too? Its a two part process. I have to accept that forgiveness from my Father for myself and rest in it; before I can even begin to extend it. It is a daily process for me. I don't want to be stuck in the ugly. I want to live in the freedom of Jesus Christ and ALL He has to offer.
Have a Blessed Monday!
PS: Just another little note that has blessed me this week. Its from Linda Dillow's book "Calm My Anxious Heart." "Abiding is our obligation. Producing fruit is God's concern. Seek fellowship with Jesus and leave the fruit to him."
Monday, August 10, 2015
Friday, July 31, 2015
Hard but worth it
Its the last day of July, which means school is approaching. YIPPEE! Even as homeschoolers it's an exciting time. I clean all our bookshelves and declutter the art closet and drawers. I buy our workbooks (the kids literally cheer about this) for the up coming year and register for Classical Conversations. Everyone enjoys new crayons, markers, and folders...so I buy those. We have only homeschooled for a full year and 1/2 now, so I can't tell you when the excitement wears down, but it does. The great thing about homeschooling is I can schedule breaks anytime we like and we can get reenergized again!
Its been an intense Summer (still is). A friend wrote a blog post about life being HARD, but still great...and she is so right! That has been my Summer. The little boys add an element that made it incredibly difficult to school at all this Summer...so we didn't! I know! *gasp* It was in the plans, but its ok. My plans are not God's plans and this Summer other things (like child training and play) were way more important than conquering math and cursive. HARD. Its all hard. The balance, the training, the new crazy Summer schedule, the new testing of limits that comes every few months...with each child!
I had a woman ask me this week about homeschooling, Brett and I were very straightforward with her. We said things like, "its so hard, but its worth it," "you will never be ready to start," "the first six months I wondered what in the world I got myself into!"...all those things are true, but when God calls you and you are obedient...it works. It doesn't mean its easy, very few days are, but its worth it. There are things I wouldn't trade...cuddles with my kids while reading books, naps with them, watching that little light bulb go off when the finally understand, the excitement of learning, learning what they each enjoy and are eager to learn more about...it is great, but its hard.
But when its hard, God shows up. He gets to show off his majesticness! (it's a word) I think he waits for us to crumble and humble ourselves so he can prove his faithfulness. Its also the time when we have to accept we can't do it on our own either (and even that's hard to admit).
Friday, July 24, 2015
Summer
Its been a crazy Summer. We have vacationed to Chicagoland area. We visited the pool. We have made new friends. I started an online Bible study (Hello Mornings) and then a friend asked me to do a book study with her, by my favorite author Linda Dillow! Honestly, I'm incredibly blessed. And I sit in awe of those blessings and the faithfulness of my Savior as the Summer is quickly nearing an end and its BACK TO SCHOOL!
Chicago was FUN! The kids earned FREE tickets to Six Flags through their reading program, and the weather was perfect! I typically highly dislike July in IL, if you like to breathe, you just can't! Its hot and humid and sticky...my Pastor says, "the air is like soup." And if anyone has ever been to Six Flags on a 90+ degree day...you know what I mean, BUT our day was not like that! We had PERFECT weather and the kids had a wonderful time. All the kiddos went on a roller coaster (without loops) for their first ride. Everyone was a big fan except Silas. Then Eli and I went on one WITH loops, we both said no to a second ride. Nuff said. Daddy and Eli went on a coaster too, and they both enjoyed it. I loved that Six Flags had lots of kiddie sections throughout the park. We all got super hero capes before we left!
We visited Lake Michigan, it was freezing, but fun. When we first arrived in Chicago we went to American Girl first. I wanted to see the store and experience the hype of it all. Z noticed we were going into the city and NOT towards Aunt Ashley's house and she declared, "Who is this American Girl anyways? I just want to go to Safina's!" Brett and I both giggled. But once she stepped into the store, it clicked and she was in "heaven." I was in shock. She bought her doll a pair of glasses and some fake food, it was a pleasant experience. Eli and the boys along with Daddy really enjoyed the Lego store next door, everyone got a little something and then we headed to Aunt Ashley's. I will say...Chicagoland area has the BEST public parks EVER! Our little town of Charleston, needs to step up their game. We could have spent a whole day traveling to different parks...fun, fun, fun!
Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
Chicago was FUN! The kids earned FREE tickets to Six Flags through their reading program, and the weather was perfect! I typically highly dislike July in IL, if you like to breathe, you just can't! Its hot and humid and sticky...my Pastor says, "the air is like soup." And if anyone has ever been to Six Flags on a 90+ degree day...you know what I mean, BUT our day was not like that! We had PERFECT weather and the kids had a wonderful time. All the kiddos went on a roller coaster (without loops) for their first ride. Everyone was a big fan except Silas. Then Eli and I went on one WITH loops, we both said no to a second ride. Nuff said. Daddy and Eli went on a coaster too, and they both enjoyed it. I loved that Six Flags had lots of kiddie sections throughout the park. We all got super hero capes before we left!
We visited Lake Michigan, it was freezing, but fun. When we first arrived in Chicago we went to American Girl first. I wanted to see the store and experience the hype of it all. Z noticed we were going into the city and NOT towards Aunt Ashley's house and she declared, "Who is this American Girl anyways? I just want to go to Safina's!" Brett and I both giggled. But once she stepped into the store, it clicked and she was in "heaven." I was in shock. She bought her doll a pair of glasses and some fake food, it was a pleasant experience. Eli and the boys along with Daddy really enjoyed the Lego store next door, everyone got a little something and then we headed to Aunt Ashley's. I will say...Chicagoland area has the BEST public parks EVER! Our little town of Charleston, needs to step up their game. We could have spent a whole day traveling to different parks...fun, fun, fun!
I love this picture, the lighting, the flowers, the people.
My grandbaby Kenzley on the slide w/ Safina and Kenenisa
Lake Michigan!
Super Heroes!
Chicagoland area park! Seriously fun!
American Girl doll store!
Before we entered Six Flags!
My boys LOVED all the characters!
Another city park. Brett is hanging and going around in circles!
Lego Clone Tropper
K & Bugs!
Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
In a box
The past couple of weeks a friend has been reading through the book of Acts. She has been studying the early church. Encouraging me to take a look, and I have.
Yesterday I started a new Bible study on the books of James (God must have more for me because I just finished a James study a month ago). Always more to learn...that's my perspective anyway. Today as I began day two of my new study...I'm reading ACTS! God is neat like that!
I'm reminded today about how easy it is for us to stay in our comfortable little box. We want to hold onto Biblical law. We want justice at any price. A price higher than what Jesus has already paid. We impose that on ourselves and those around us. So did the people of long ago. Even the early church had "much debate." They wanted the law of circumcision obeyed. (Acts 15:1) But God in all his GLORY had another plan. Peter reminded them that God cleansed their hearts by FAITH. He also reminded them that they are ALL saved by grace, not by yokes that no one can bear.
Its so simple and yet so profound. God wanted to raise a "new" people. He wanted to save ALL people and not by Biblical law or acts of works, but by FAITH and GRACE!
Are you in a box? Can you step out of your box today and rest in the truth that God loves you right where you are at. A broken sinner in need of a Savior. No "circumcision" needed, just a complete surrender and acceptance of Jesus as your Lord and Savior.
Yesterday I started a new Bible study on the books of James (God must have more for me because I just finished a James study a month ago). Always more to learn...that's my perspective anyway. Today as I began day two of my new study...I'm reading ACTS! God is neat like that!
I'm reminded today about how easy it is for us to stay in our comfortable little box. We want to hold onto Biblical law. We want justice at any price. A price higher than what Jesus has already paid. We impose that on ourselves and those around us. So did the people of long ago. Even the early church had "much debate." They wanted the law of circumcision obeyed. (Acts 15:1) But God in all his GLORY had another plan. Peter reminded them that God cleansed their hearts by FAITH. He also reminded them that they are ALL saved by grace, not by yokes that no one can bear.
Its so simple and yet so profound. God wanted to raise a "new" people. He wanted to save ALL people and not by Biblical law or acts of works, but by FAITH and GRACE!
Are you in a box? Can you step out of your box today and rest in the truth that God loves you right where you are at. A broken sinner in need of a Savior. No "circumcision" needed, just a complete surrender and acceptance of Jesus as your Lord and Savior.
Monday, June 22, 2015
A Visitor
Its been an incredibly rough week. On Wednesday our cat Onyx was hit and killed by a car. I'm one of those people who kind of made light about pet death, but oh goodness how the Lord has changed me! She was my son's cat, but my therapy cat. She woke me up every morning and greeted me in the driveway when I returned, she sat on my lap during my morning devotions and cried at the door to go chase a loud bird...she was very much a part of my everyday. She is greatly missed. We are grieving. Please continue to pray for all of us.
On a different note...two nights ago I had just climbed into bed when Zahavah and I heard someone talking to our dogs outside. I asked her to look outside and see, she said, "Momma, someone is in our yard!" I'm already in bed, mind you...so I holler for Brett to go check it out. I hear, "Hey little man." I instantly change clothes and join them.
He is my children's age, on a mission. He is chatty. He has a full set of keys on him, he is by himself. We sit on the front porch waiting for the police to arrive. He is so full of energy, I talk quickly to keep his mind busy.
How old are you? 5
Where do you live? Over there.
Where is your parents? My mom is asleep
Where do you go to school? blank stare. I start saying the public school names, and he picked one.
Who is your best friend? He answered...I forgot. (it was a little girl from school)
Who is your teacher? Ms. Fibbs (Bless your heart dear teacher).
What are you doing with those keys? I'm going to steal...I mean borrow a car.
What for? I'm going to Hoopston to see my Grandma.
Hoopston eh? Thats kinda far away. He says, "yes, do you know the way?" As he is trying to unlock my husband's car.
He doesn't seem to care, he knows what he wants. He also wants to go to Wal-Mart. He is five.
It was scary and funny all at the same time. Praise God his mother finally arrived. Praise God he was a little bit scared when the police talked with him. Praise God he entered my backyard.
I think my Father looks at me kinda like I looked at that precious little boy. I think I know what I want, what is best for me, how to get from A to B. And I go full throttle ahead with my game plan. The Lord comes along side of me gently asking me questions and I have answers. And yet...he is patient. He is NOT surprised by my stubborn streak or enthusiasm for life.
I know God's plan is ALWAYS better than mine. I can trust his plan for my life, better than my own. All I need to do is be still, wait and listen for the Lord to instruct me.
On a different note...two nights ago I had just climbed into bed when Zahavah and I heard someone talking to our dogs outside. I asked her to look outside and see, she said, "Momma, someone is in our yard!" I'm already in bed, mind you...so I holler for Brett to go check it out. I hear, "Hey little man." I instantly change clothes and join them.
He is my children's age, on a mission. He is chatty. He has a full set of keys on him, he is by himself. We sit on the front porch waiting for the police to arrive. He is so full of energy, I talk quickly to keep his mind busy.
How old are you? 5
Where do you live? Over there.
Where is your parents? My mom is asleep
Where do you go to school? blank stare. I start saying the public school names, and he picked one.
Who is your best friend? He answered...I forgot. (it was a little girl from school)
Who is your teacher? Ms. Fibbs (Bless your heart dear teacher).
What are you doing with those keys? I'm going to steal...I mean borrow a car.
What for? I'm going to Hoopston to see my Grandma.
Hoopston eh? Thats kinda far away. He says, "yes, do you know the way?" As he is trying to unlock my husband's car.
He doesn't seem to care, he knows what he wants. He also wants to go to Wal-Mart. He is five.
It was scary and funny all at the same time. Praise God his mother finally arrived. Praise God he was a little bit scared when the police talked with him. Praise God he entered my backyard.
I think my Father looks at me kinda like I looked at that precious little boy. I think I know what I want, what is best for me, how to get from A to B. And I go full throttle ahead with my game plan. The Lord comes along side of me gently asking me questions and I have answers. And yet...he is patient. He is NOT surprised by my stubborn streak or enthusiasm for life.
I know God's plan is ALWAYS better than mine. I can trust his plan for my life, better than my own. All I need to do is be still, wait and listen for the Lord to instruct me.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Unchanged
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17"
Jamaica has come and gone. I realize I didn't blog about it or post pictures (gasp). Shortly after we arrived home, our grown child Micayla informed us that she moved her wedding from a year away to 2 1/2 weeks away! I'm still trying to catch my breath as I type this and drink my coffee!
The verse above came in a mini booklet "Promises for Moms" that I received in the mail for my birthday yesterday. Its the first one I opened and read, exactly what I needed at this very moment. Don't you just LOVE it when God works like that!?!
It's a promise. Everything good and perfect thing is from him, Everything we have is a gift...our husbands, children, homes, every strawberry in the patch, the beautiful sunrise, the Spring rain, every breath...even the ones I'm still trying to catch. Gifts. Straight from our maker to us, to enjoy...everyday. Do you see your gifts?
HE does not change like shifting shadows. Like wedding dates, he DOES NOT change. He is solid, steady, reliable, dependable. What are the shadows lurking in your life? Cancer, loss of a job, sick child, broken foot, failing marriage. There is reassurance in the presence of the Almighty. He is stronger than the shadows of this life. The shadows come and go, they creep in and out, but God stays. He promises He stays, unchanged.
Jamaica has come and gone. I realize I didn't blog about it or post pictures (gasp). Shortly after we arrived home, our grown child Micayla informed us that she moved her wedding from a year away to 2 1/2 weeks away! I'm still trying to catch my breath as I type this and drink my coffee!
The verse above came in a mini booklet "Promises for Moms" that I received in the mail for my birthday yesterday. Its the first one I opened and read, exactly what I needed at this very moment. Don't you just LOVE it when God works like that!?!
It's a promise. Everything good and perfect thing is from him, Everything we have is a gift...our husbands, children, homes, every strawberry in the patch, the beautiful sunrise, the Spring rain, every breath...even the ones I'm still trying to catch. Gifts. Straight from our maker to us, to enjoy...everyday. Do you see your gifts?
HE does not change like shifting shadows. Like wedding dates, he DOES NOT change. He is solid, steady, reliable, dependable. What are the shadows lurking in your life? Cancer, loss of a job, sick child, broken foot, failing marriage. There is reassurance in the presence of the Almighty. He is stronger than the shadows of this life. The shadows come and go, they creep in and out, but God stays. He promises He stays, unchanged.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
My Day
This is really just a hoop-la post. A peek into my day. Today was the last Tues our Classical Conversations Community met for the year. I think all the parents, students and tutors were ready for Summer break! I know I sure am. Which leaves me wondering what the Summer teaching looks like...if anything at all. I was positive I would do cursive with both Z and E, and maybe I will, but a lot less structured than what I thought. Seriously these are the little things that wonder throughout my head...all. day. long!!!! All in all, all four children are doing very well in academics. Even Silas has come a long way in speech this past year. Him and K have a few more weeks...yippee!
The past two days have been GORGEOUS! I can't stay inside when its this nice and there are no mosquitoes present. I started a crazy flower garden project without my husband's help...I won't do that again. Call me crazy but I was in flip flops and no gloves ripping out solid HARD sod. Three hours...tiny patch = blister on thumb and sore feet. What was I thinking? I wasn't!!!! He jumped in today and ripped out twice as much as I did yesterday in less than 1/4 of the time. No wondering who the real gardener is in our family! He really is handy.
I took Z to spend the $10 she won at the Skating rink. She is so smart and wants to get the best bang for her buck! She got THREE toys! Two mini My Little Ponies and a bath Barbie with a dolphin. It was really about the dolphin, she could care less for Barbie.
All my children LOVE to run barefoot in the warm weather. None of my children LOVE to take showers or even wash their feet before bed. YUCK!!!! I got the sheer pleasure of washing Eli's feet in the sink. I can't even begin to communicate how much I HATE feet, especially dirty feet. I remember last Summer swearing that I was going to take all of them to get a Pedi and that it would be worth every penny spent. Ya well, I dug all my little supplies out, clipped, scrubbed, washed and removed dirt (probably left over from last Summer) from under those cute little toes. The melt downs (mostly from the oldest boy) oh my, you would think I was going to cut his toe off! Why won't they just wear shoes? Will I really miss this part when they are grown up? I'm not so sure.
Brett helped me get my strawberry plants covered this evening before he left for a meeting. Its been on my to-do list for awhile, I refuse to share with the birds. Call my selfish. I'm a lover of strawberries! Then me and the kids cleaned up all the toys in the yard and then put them all away in the garage. Exhausting. Did the rest of the evening chores including music practice. (Z and E are both doing very well. Eli had a honors recital this past Sunday) I was getting really tired. All the kids had an ice cream after supper. I remembered I had picked up some yummylicious Strawberry Coconut ice cream from Trader Joes when I was in Chicago. Yum! How could I forget??? I got all the kids cleaned up and tucked in to bed, and I made a bee line for the freezer...only to find it not there. I then remembered I left it at my sister-in-law's. sniff. sniff. I really hope she enjoyed it.
So that is a small peek into my day. Minus all the "crazy-losing-it-momma" moments I have when the kids run in and out the back door a million bazillion trillion times a day, for what you may be wondering??? A dwink. I need a dwink. A dwink. Another dwink. Momma, I tursty, I need a dwink. I think I will miss that!
The past two days have been GORGEOUS! I can't stay inside when its this nice and there are no mosquitoes present. I started a crazy flower garden project without my husband's help...I won't do that again. Call me crazy but I was in flip flops and no gloves ripping out solid HARD sod. Three hours...tiny patch = blister on thumb and sore feet. What was I thinking? I wasn't!!!! He jumped in today and ripped out twice as much as I did yesterday in less than 1/4 of the time. No wondering who the real gardener is in our family! He really is handy.
I took Z to spend the $10 she won at the Skating rink. She is so smart and wants to get the best bang for her buck! She got THREE toys! Two mini My Little Ponies and a bath Barbie with a dolphin. It was really about the dolphin, she could care less for Barbie.
All my children LOVE to run barefoot in the warm weather. None of my children LOVE to take showers or even wash their feet before bed. YUCK!!!! I got the sheer pleasure of washing Eli's feet in the sink. I can't even begin to communicate how much I HATE feet, especially dirty feet. I remember last Summer swearing that I was going to take all of them to get a Pedi and that it would be worth every penny spent. Ya well, I dug all my little supplies out, clipped, scrubbed, washed and removed dirt (probably left over from last Summer) from under those cute little toes. The melt downs (mostly from the oldest boy) oh my, you would think I was going to cut his toe off! Why won't they just wear shoes? Will I really miss this part when they are grown up? I'm not so sure.
Brett helped me get my strawberry plants covered this evening before he left for a meeting. Its been on my to-do list for awhile, I refuse to share with the birds. Call my selfish. I'm a lover of strawberries! Then me and the kids cleaned up all the toys in the yard and then put them all away in the garage. Exhausting. Did the rest of the evening chores including music practice. (Z and E are both doing very well. Eli had a honors recital this past Sunday) I was getting really tired. All the kids had an ice cream after supper. I remembered I had picked up some yummylicious Strawberry Coconut ice cream from Trader Joes when I was in Chicago. Yum! How could I forget??? I got all the kids cleaned up and tucked in to bed, and I made a bee line for the freezer...only to find it not there. I then remembered I left it at my sister-in-law's. sniff. sniff. I really hope she enjoyed it.
So that is a small peek into my day. Minus all the "crazy-losing-it-momma" moments I have when the kids run in and out the back door a million bazillion trillion times a day, for what you may be wondering??? A dwink. I need a dwink. A dwink. Another dwink. Momma, I tursty, I need a dwink. I think I will miss that!
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