Perfection

I have been up for 3 hours (its 7am now, naps are beautiful).  Waiting for the Lord to give me something to write about. As Brett was packing up for his River to River race, running around grabbing this and that, and all his stuff, I just sat here waiting and waiting for what I should write about! As he was ready to head out the door, he grabbed the Pineapple Upside Down Cake to take for food day at work.  And it hit me...perfection.
I have been working all week to perfect my pineapple upside down cake.  All week.  All I really want is to make a yummylious PERFECT Pineapple Upside Down Cake. Moist, definitely not dry! But I like the crust a little carmelized.  I even would like some slivers of pineapple throughout it, instead of just pretty rings and cherries on top.  Have you ever had a wonderful, delightful, PERFECT, Pineapple Upside Down Cake?  Ever?  Well, I THINK I have! I of course didn't make that cake, but I'm prettier sure I have had it. Maybe as a child, I don't know, but I know I have had.  I just can't seem to recreate it.
My life can be like that Pineapple Upside Down Cake!  I know what it should be like in my head. Well disciplined, God honoring and fearing, happy go lucky kids...perfect. A marriage with no disagreements or squabbles...perfect. Children eager and happy to be homeschooled...perfect. You get the picture. Easy peasy lemon squeezy right? Maybe your picture looks a bit different, but we all have a mental image of our hopes and dreams and what our  perfect little lives would be, could be, should be.
But let's be honest...its NEVER going to be PERFECT on this side of Heaven!  My kids are learning and growing and well, being kids! Just like my cake, they have a great foundation.  My marriage...its two broken sinful people learning to love one another and love like Jesus. Just like my cake, it takes just the right amount of extra heat to get it carmelized and sizzlin'. Just like my cake, life takes the right amount of ingredients...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control to enjoy life at its fullest or should I say moisteee-est?

Enjoy the life God has blessed you with and have a piece of PERFECT cake now and then too.

Galatians 5:22

A life long lesson

Let's talk about being content.  I know!  This past week facebook circulated a picture of an African Momma giving her barely alive and standing child, a drink from a huge water container.  His knees were knobs and a thin layer of skin covered his bones.  The picture stirs strong emotions in me.  I have seen this, in real life, in Africa. Many have not and can easily believe its not real and continue reading their fb posts and carry about their comfortable life unaffected.  Not me.  That picture burns into my brain. Not just that picture, but the real moments in my life too. 

While in Kenya we distributed food to many tribes. I have so many mental images of those beautiful people. Long lines of mothers and their children waiting in the scorching sun with any containers they could find to hold the grain.  Children crying because they were burning up with fever from malaria.  The little boy dying under a tree waiting for the medical team to arrive.  The child with the distended belly probably due to a nasty parasite or for sure, hunger.  The child picking up the leftover grain that spilled into the sand. And its not just in Africa!  Its also in my own backyard (yours too).  Our schools are sending home food bags for the weekend so children have enough food to get them through til they return to school on Monday. (How did we get here?  In a first world country!!  Perhaps that's another post)

And here I am.  In America, in my cozy warm house robe on my computer at 6 am drinking my warm coffee, thinking about contentment. What does it mean?  How does it work?  How do I know all of this, yet still struggle to be content?  Maybe you are waiting for me to give you the answer.  I don't have it.  I'm learning.  And relearning.

I'm learning to be thankful for what I do have.  I'm learning to give it to Jesus when I fall into a place of self absorption.  When I start believing the lie that happiness comes from more, or from "simple" perfection.  I must stop the insanity of it all and hand it over to Jesus.  He is the cup. He is enough.  That is where my hope comes from.  Your hope too.

Satan wants us to believe otherwise. He wants us to strive with all our might, to lose focus through our wasted efforts trying to obtain a falsehood of security. Buying the lie that we can achieve contentment through things of this world. His goal in life is to steal our contentment in Jesus Christ. Staying in a place of discontentment is lacking peace.  Not satisfied with Christ. 

Today I refuse to let Satan have a foothold in my heart.  I refuse to believe the lie that contentment comes from a false sense of security in anything other than Jesus. He is my cup. He is enough.

What steals your joy, your contentment?  Crying, rebellious children?  Lack of money? Broken relationships? Health issues?  Perfection? Will you embrace Jesus with me today and rest knowing that HE is enough?

Hebrews 13:5:   Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Content:

adjective

1. 1.

   in a state of peaceful happiness.

   synonyms:

   contented, satisfied, pleased, gratified, fulfilled, happy, cheerful, glad; unworried, untroubled, at ease, at peace, tranquil, serene

A New Day is Coming

     This day many many years ago he was in a tomb.  Betrayed.  Rejected.  Mocked. Flogged. Pierced. Crucified. Abandoned.  It happened to the King of Kings, Lord of Lords.  No worries, I promise you He didn't stay there.  The HUGE rock they put in front of the cave didn't stop our Savior. Today He is on His thrown in glory patiently awaiting our arrival.

     But in the meantime...life can be hard.  Right?  Painful.  Ya?   Have you felt what Jesus felt from close friends and family?  We haven't carried a cross dripping with our own blood (although some may argue it feels as though they have), but are you carrying your burdens?  Have you been rejected?  Abandoned?  I know I have.  It hurts.  Its heavy. Sometimes more than I can bear. In your suffering do you relate, connect with our Savior?  He knows our heartache.  He knows our deepest thoughts, concerns, longings, and fears.  Just as His Father knew His from the Garden to the Cross.  Our Savior wasn't alone in His battle.  His Father didn't abandon Him, although it must have felt as if He did...remember Jesus cried out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?".  He knew.  He knew what His Son would encounter at every single crossroad.  Just as our Father knows for us.  He knows we have been betrayed, rejected, abandoned, He knows our every heartache and pain.  I don't know about you, but I find comfort in that.  I'm NOT alone. I'm not facing anything near as heavy as what my Father suffered.  And its in that moment I grab a hold of Him and find...solace.  Peace.  A breath of fresh air.  His compassion.  My Savior, my redeemer, my Father.  Rest.

     Please take sometime today to sit and cling to our Savior.  Let His promises sink in.  We are NOT alone in our suffering. (Satan will try to convince us otherwise) God knows. Let him bottle up every tear. Let him hold your heart in the palm of His hand, as you let go of your pain.  Give it all to Him. He is strong enough to carry it ALL, let Him.  He can.  He has experience and I promise you its nothing He can't handle. (remember THE CROSS).  

     A new day is coming.  HAPPY EASTER!

Some verses to meditate and memorize:

Matthew 11:28-29New International Version (NIV)

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Romans 8:37-39

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalm 56:8New King James Version (NKJV)

8 You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?

PS: my previous post is one of my favorite songs by Citizen Way, have a listen.  :)

Citizen Way - How Sweet the Sound (Official Lyric video)

1st broken bone of my 5 children!

Oh goodness...my once a month post was nearing a deadline!  I truly want to blog every week, but time just doesn't allow that to happen.  Sometimes I think in blog, it sounds like this "If I was to blog today I would talk about the crushed barbie I walked over in the road today, because some days that is how I feel!" or "today I would write about the man at church who commented on my large family and how much laundry I must do and when I asked him if he would like to come help sometime...he said no he already put his time in as a parent and did laundry, but he could give me money to take it to the laundry mat"  or "today I would write about Silas' broken arm and the freak trampoline accident (true story) and how we spent hours in the hospital and how God was faithful....ok so that is what I will write about tonight.

Last Wednesday was homeschool gymnastics day!  WoooHooo...so fun!  Friends, lots of friends...running, jumping, bouncing all in one big room with an awesome gymnastics coach and cool beams, bars, tramps etc.  My two littles Si & K are usually at public school during this time but it was Spring Break, so they went with us.  They love the long tramp and jumping into the foam pit.  And had we just stayed there, all would have been smooth sailing but instead we went to the extra bouncy trampoline.  Not the type you have in your backyard.  No this beast shoots you FEET into the air.  Silas has never been great on his feet anyway, and I had just shared that with the Momma next to me.

 Minutes later my little man went up and came down, landing ON THE TRAMPOLINE, but also ON HIS ARM.  He cried. I thought for sure he dislocated his shoulder based upon the way he landed. I saw it all... Neck hyper extended, shoulder pushed down.  I picked up my baby.  He was whiny, not screaming.  I took him to the coach who looked it over and suggested taking him for an X-Ray.  (I wondered while driving one block to the ER if THAT location to build the gym was perfectly thought out!)  In my mind we are gonna jump in, get it popped back in and be on our way.  NOT.WHAT. HAPPENED!  We got right into the ER, but...

 (warning small rant)...why, oh why do they feel the need to take blood pressure and weight with a child crying out in pain???  Hellloooooo!  (don't comment and tell me why, I really don't care...I know its protocol, but its still ridiculous).  Within an hour they gave him morphine and confirmed it was indeed broke.  And by this time, you could also see it poking out above his elbow.  And he was crying, scared and just wanted Daddy.

Brett was on his way to the hospital by this time.  I'm a weenie and don't do hospital visits or doctor visits by myself with four kids.  Its ok, I have come to accept this of myself.  Not an area I'm strong in.  But Brett also doesn't do broken bones well!  Having had broken SEVEN of his own during his lifetime, its understandable.  He is texting "I can't do this!"  I finally tell him he is gonna have to man up because this is HIS child!!!!  Who has been crying for him since I picked him up off the trampoline!  We team it so good together, cause I don't do IVs!  Brett stays with him for that and I stay with him for the temporary set.  Its perfect!  God is GOOD!

Not only was God good is teaming Brett and I together as awesome parents and that Si's arm was only broken and not broken through the skin seeping blood, but he was also GOOD in providing 2 wonderful Christian homeschooling Mommas to step up to the plate to watch my other two kids (who were still at gymnastics).  These two God sends are so sweet.  They kept my older two kiddos the better part of the day.  Fed them, prayed over Silas with them gave them toys and company with their little friends...it was wonderful!  AND while I took K with me to the cafeteria to grab lunch, God dropped another angel in our lap who paid for all of our lunch!  I hadn't felt so much love from other Mommas in a long time.

After the IV and arm were set, it was then time to wait for the doctor....and we all know how this goes!  They operate on a different clock than the rest of the world.

I went home with K and we grabbed an hour nap before the other kids came home.  We all had supper together and then a wonderful couple offered to stay with all three kids and put them to bed, so I could be at the hospital when Si came out of surgery.  No one offers to do this for free...ever!

Si finally went in for surgery at 4:35pm.  The Doc was GREAT.  Well known in our area and has a good reputation for his work.  He answered my questions and Si was recovering very well.  We were all home by 8pm.

God was faithful.  God was merciful.  God was kind, rather generous really.  It wasn't at all the day I had planned, but it was the day God had planned.  Isaiah 55:8  "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. And Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  These verses filter through my head as I sit in my messed up, unplanned day!

Here are two pics, I hope to post the one of Si and Brett soon...it is precious (its on my phone).  God Bless.

Rest

Its Monday.  Mondays are always rough.  Gettin back into the swing of things...homeschooling, messes from the weekend, a pile of laundry that is screaming my name...life.  Today I have a head cold and the earth is covered in a blanket of white.  Its freezing outside.  I'm content to stay inside ALL day.  I'm takin it easy...drinkin coffee and listenin to HighRoad "Angel at the crossroads" CD...lovin it!  I'm reflecting on the weekend we had.  In spite of head colds we still had our Valentines Day Party.  Our first one as homeschoolers.  Feb 14th marked one year to the day that we brought our children home to be with us all the time, to be educated here at home.  One of the scariest but most rewarding and challenging things we ever did.  We celebrated Valentines Day with two homeschool families that are near and dear to us.  We talked about that day one year ago and how it was the best decision for our family. We chatted over yummy sweets, played a few games with 15 wonderful kiddos (and legos and dolls), took some fun silly photos, laughed and smiled and ate lunch together.  We were encouraged.

Yesterday at church...I was so blessed!   As I walked into church I spotted his tiny little precious face....a boy I once knew.  He was just a baby, but dearly loved and cared for through foster care. He is nine now.  Interesting how God crosses paths in life.

I'm reminded how faithful God is. In the midst of pain and suffering and confusion He is here.  The battle is won. And yet this side of heaven is anything but pain free. I get sad when I think about kiddos without a mommy or daddy because of death, cancer or neglect etc.  The bondage of addiction and the pain it causes. Satan's lies to seek and destroy.  But the battle is WON! It is FINISHED. There is victory in His truths.  I wanna rest in that...peace.

Hebrews 13:8  "Jesus Christ IS the same yesterday and today and forever."

Community Service 101

Homeschooling creates opportunities for me and my children that a public education would not (or not as easily).  A couple months ago I decided to pursue (more diligently) opportunities to cultivate compassion in the hearts of my children. Its not mad science, children are not born compassionate creatures.  Compassion must be taught and learned. I desire my children to be compassionate. More is taught through seeing than hearing, and even more so through DOING. 

In November our church presented the opportunity to to deliver food baskets. Brett and I agreed this would be a fun family adventure (nothing more, nothing less) but this is where the idea was born. My children were able to see and do.  They were able to see what "being the hands and feet of Jesus" is. Our Pastor closes Sunday service with "Let's go be the hands and feet of Jesus." Hearing this is not foreign to them.  As part of their school routine I decided to implement a community service project once a month.  My goal was to create opportunity for them to be a blessing to others and learn compassion. I trusted the Lord to provide safe, fun, secure, outreach projects that me and my children could do together. 

December came and went so fast that, well honestly, it just didn't happen. But God was working because it was during that time I was at Standing Stone (a local community center that aims to provide assistance to families and individuals in need of food, clothing, households etc, ran by Ms. Dawn) searching the books, like I do every month, that an opportunity was born.  My kids love going to Standing Stone and they love books.  I asked Ms. Dawn if she would be ok with us coming and donating our time to Standing Stone. She happily agreed and I was so thankful.

Yesterday was our first day. We were going to arrange, sort and organize books. We started here at home. Heart check. I wanted to make sure our hearts were in the right place.  No boasting, no doing it to puff ourselves up or to make us look good, or to get something etc. I sat my children down and I asked them, "We are going to be a blessing, so how should our attitudes be? Why are we going to help Ms. Dawn?" I was blown away by their answers!  Eli said, "to give God glory, and we should be happy."  Zahavah said, "to help Ms. Dawn and love others, be cheerful."  None of it was prompted or talked about before we sat down, not in relation to this project. Sure we talk often about why we help others, but I didn't "get," that they GET IT until we sat and did a heart check before we left. Note to self...Always do heart check, especially my own.

Life and its opportunities are not cookie cutter perfect, not by a long shot. We had a great time helping Ms. Dawn, but I learned a lot too.  I learned that cultivating compassion takes time and patience. Both of my children did great, but attention spans are short. Little Miss. Z just couldn't handle more than an hour, she was DONE. She got tired and her spirit changed. It was ok, really. She is young and needed a break. I'm confident she will grow. I'm confident she will work through being ok with the books toppling over and not staying up as she would like. What a great place to handle such frustrations! And I'm their to guide her, offer a break and grace. God is molding her! Eli was in heaven. He is just like his Momma...loves books, arranging, organizing..as long as they are not his own! :)  He didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay and come back every week. He was in his soft sweet spot, a place that feels so comfortable and peaceful time flies by too quickly.

I thank God for these opportunities.  I thank God that I am their Momma. I thank God that I am there and can steer them in the right direction and present them with moments of grace and discipline. I love being their Mom, their helper, their encourager.