A lifetime of learning

I'm stubborn and hard headed.  Sometimes it takes me a few (ok, maybe more than a few) lessons before I "get it."  I'm just being honest.  Brett and I have so much on our plates right now.  We only have two nights a week that are not commited to something. But I must say, adding my Monday night Women's Bible study has been a blessing. I have been going for a few months now and I appreciate how much I learn from it. Pouring over scripture that I have already read many times before, but seeing it in a different light! Brett and I also have been more diligent about our mornings together before he leaves for work.  God has been using that time to draw us closer to him and each other. I want to share somethings from these blessed times.  Please feel free to comment, add your thoughts. dig deeper and see if God is exposing something to you too.

~To be justified does NOT mean "just as if I'd never sinned."  This weakens the full impact of justification.  It really means; even though I still sin periodically and have found myself unable to stop sinning on a perament basis - God declared me righteous when I believed.  And because I will continue to sin from time to time, I find all the more reason to be grateful for grace. As a sinner I DESERVE vengeance. As a sinner I'm afraid of justice.  As a sinner my only hope for survival is grace.  In its purest form, it makes no earthly sense! -Charles Swindoll The Grace Awakening Devotional

Wow...I just love it.  I love all of it. I can embrace my brokeness, I know that I am a sinner. I have a much harder time wrapping my head around my sovereign gracious father's love for me...unconditionally, without abandonment.  Not matter how bad I screw it up. Its so much better than I deserve. My heart's desire is to walk in His light, not in darkness. I appreciate that the author spends time addressing those who abuse grace, and use it as a means to continue sinning. This is a great read...pick it up!

Here are a couple thoughts from "Creative Counterpart" by Linda Dillow

~Do you give 100%?  Or do you give 50?  What's your 100%?  To trust and obey.
Learning to trust and obey takes repetition and discipline.

Can I get an AMEN? Right here...this is where I trip up. The repetition and discipline part.  I can hope someday I get it right! I'm so tired of laying something down at the feet of Jesus, just to have picked it back up less than 10 minutes later.  Seriously! The author goes into detail on page 37 of this process...its reassuring that she makes mention this process takes a LIFETIME!

I love Fall.  The cool crisp mornings, the falling leaves, harvest time in Illinois...brrr. This morning I'm wrapped up in a shawl I made for my Great Grandmother.  She passed away and the shawl came back to me.  I love it, as did she.  Its warm. It reminds me of her. I can still see the smile on her face when she unwrapped it.  I miss her so much. She was wise in her years.  A beautiful strong Christian woman.

I'm embarrassed. I remember being a wild child, a rebellious and disrespectful teenager. I mocked her wisdom and direction when she tried to speak into my life. And now I would give anything for her insight, her encouragement, her wisdom.

I'm almost 40 years old now and I'm eager to learn the ways of the Lord. I crave that wisdom my great grandmother had. The word wisdom appears in the Bible more than 200 times. 200!

This morning while I'm snuggled up in my grandmother's shawl I'm going to continue to dig deeper into God's Word where wisdom can be found, faith can be restored, and real relationship with my Father happens. I want to be wise like my grandma when I'm 80 and pray my kids (and great grandkids, gulp) will not be like I once was.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Birthday Party

I have a tiny Hummingbird perched right outside my kitchen window, which my cat is stalking, but the Hummer doesn't care!  The breeze is cool and crisp at 6:16am and its going to be a gorgeous day. I'm excited to see what the Lord has in store!
Yesterday we celebrated Z's (7th) and Silas's (4th) birthdays.  It was a GREAT time. We had the pool, trampoline, bubble wands, tire swing and club house...all in full use!  And I loved every minute of it. I love seeing the smiles on their face as they enjoy their friends. The days are long and the years are short. I could go deep with this post but I'm not...I'm just going to soak up how great life is right now and share some pictures with you.  Its not always great, lots of days are hard.  I'm pretty sure God gives us the good days to get us through the rough days.  Something to look forward to and something to hang on to. (Pictures are not in order)  Enjoy...

 Look at those lips!

 He is being a goof...he claims he hates having his picture taken.  Poor kid...I love taking pictures!

 She LOVES and ADORES her Pappy Tim.  She even said, "HE LOOKED AT MY WISH LIST!" (b/c he bought her the stroller she has wanted for her baby dolls)

 My precious son KNOWS how to eat cake!

 Alyssa and her Daddy trying to master bubbles.

 Our wonderful neighbors Ray & Brandee came over after their trip to the Dinosaur show (hence the claw painted on her face). Silas...I have no idea!

 Our Homemade Minion Pinata up for a beatin'.

 Look at all those great kids!!!  There were quite a few gone due to illness and family vacations, approx 15-20 kids absent!  Yes, we love to have our yard full of fun!  Can u imagine?!  And even MORE if all the cousins could have made it.  Who really believes homeschooled kids don't have a social life...seriously?

 The loot!  My sweet niece Launah asked, "Will you have goodie bags?"  I love her!  I forgot to upload the picture of her licking my arm...true story!

 I love their precious little faces.

 Z has two cupcakes to fit 7 candles in! I laugh a little because what u don't see...is my perfectionism.  Its my enemy. And this picture not only shows my babies growing up, but it also shows my growth. I'm learning to breath and roll with the little things.  They are way more fun that way.  Nothing wrong with two cupcakes right!

 Cake, ice cream, chips, pretzels, cookies, Kool-Aid (kid crack...allowed ONLY at birthday parties) and ofcourse candy!

 My dear friend Meg and her daughter Madeline. I love Meg. She has always been my encouraging friend, especially when it comes to homeschooling and child raising. She remembers my pre-homeschool days when I kept shaking my head no!  She is a blessing in my life and Maddie too...her and Zahavah are so much alike!

 Aunt Jane and Z.

 Silas opening his Star Wars action figures from Grandma Laura.

 Z's gift from Aunt Jane...she knows we love stickers! (Z is holding a little horse in her hand too).  One can never have too many stickers!  Even if they are stuck to my kitchen floor...right?

 Zahavah and Alyssa share a love for girlie things and sweet Miah peeking in.

 Like I said...Z and Maddie LOVE a lot of the same things...baby dolls, playing house.  (Maddie has real glass bottles in her kitchen set...and Z is sure her kitchen set needs some too.)  I love their imaginations. Here Z is opening her AG Bitty Twins from Mom, Dad, Siblings and Grandma Laura.

 Ben is one of the cutest little fellas I know!  He is swinging with my beautiful grandbaby Kenzley.

Z, Maddie and Alyssa with her new babies and new stroller.

I'm bummed that I don't have any close ups of Miah, Autumn and the other Goff kids.  Its all good...memories were made and fun was had...that's what matters most!

I went to bed praising the Lord and feeling so blessed.

Forgiveness

Yep I'm writing on it again, because its something I have to revisit often. And when a song comes along that inspires me to press on...I wanna share it with the world.  Here it is "Drops in the Ocean" by Hawk Nelson, please go to YouTube and have a listen:

I want you as you are, not as you ought to be
Won't you lay down your guard and come to me
The shame that grips you now is crippling
It breaks my heart to see you suffering

Cause I am for you
I'm not against you

If you want to know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you want to see 
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean

Don't think you need to settle for a substitute 
When I'm the only love that changes you

Open your heart
It's time that we start again

Do you get stuck?  I get stuck. I get tangled up in the mess of my pain, the offense, the rejection, the betrayal.  Satan knows that and he uses it to pull me down, keep me bitter and separated.  Rolling around in my self-pity, doubt and despair.  Yuck!

When I heard this song, I played it several times over and over imaging the huge waves in the middle of the ocean, the beautiful deep blue.  Just how many drops? More than my mind can grasp. The song was inspired by Micah 7:19 "You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."

Isn't that amazing?  More than I can fathom.  As far as the east is from the west (another great song too, by Casting Crowns).  I can't grasp that amount or that distance!

But I can rest in knowing that it is TRUE! I can rejoice that even though its more than I can comprehend he loves me THAT much! You too!

And its there...when I am called to forgive...that I have to pause and remember what my Father has done for me. Daily surrender my human fleshly desire to stay mad and grab ahold to my Christlike ability to forgive.  It is Christlike and only possible with Him living through me, because on my own...IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.  On my own its ugly. But with Christ all things really are possible...even undeserved forgiveness.

Are you there...needing to forgive?  Surely I am not alone. Is it hard for you too? Its a two part process.  I have to accept that forgiveness from my Father for myself and rest in it; before I can even begin to extend it. It is a daily process for me. I don't want to be stuck in the ugly.  I want to live in the freedom of Jesus Christ and ALL He has to offer.

Have a Blessed Monday!

PS: Just another little note that has blessed me this week.  Its from Linda Dillow's book "Calm My Anxious Heart."   "Abiding is our obligation.  Producing fruit is God's concern.  Seek fellowship with Jesus and leave the fruit to him."

Hard but worth it

Its the last day of July, which means school is approaching. YIPPEE! Even as homeschoolers it's an exciting time. I clean all our bookshelves and declutter the art closet and drawers. I buy our workbooks (the kids literally cheer about this) for the up coming year and register for Classical Conversations. Everyone enjoys new crayons, markers, and folders...so I buy those. We have only homeschooled for a full year and 1/2 now, so I can't tell you when the excitement wears down, but it does. The great thing about homeschooling is I can schedule breaks anytime we like and we can get reenergized again! Its been an intense Summer (still is). A friend wrote a blog post about life being HARD, but still great...and she is so right! That has been my Summer. The little boys add an element that made it incredibly difficult to school at all this Summer...so we didn't! I know! *gasp* It was in the plans, but its ok. My plans are not God's plans and this Summer other things (like child training and play) were way more important than conquering math and cursive. HARD. Its all hard. The balance, the training, the new crazy Summer schedule, the new testing of limits that comes every few months...with each child! I had a woman ask me this week about homeschooling, Brett and I were very straightforward with her. We said things like, "its so hard, but its worth it," "you will never be ready to start," "the first six months I wondered what in the world I got myself into!"...all those things are true, but when God calls you and you are obedient...it works. It doesn't mean its easy, very few days are, but its worth it. There are things I wouldn't trade...cuddles with my kids while reading books, naps with them, watching that little light bulb go off when the finally understand, the excitement of learning, learning what they each enjoy and are eager to learn more about...it is great, but its hard. But when its hard, God shows up. He gets to show off his majesticness! (it's a word) I think he waits for us to crumble and humble ourselves so he can prove his faithfulness. Its also the time when we have to accept we can't do it on our own either (and even that's hard to admit).

Summer

Its been a crazy Summer. We have vacationed to Chicagoland area. We visited the pool. We have made new friends. I started an online Bible study (Hello Mornings) and then a friend asked me to do a book study with her, by my favorite author Linda Dillow! Honestly, I'm incredibly blessed. And I sit in awe of those blessings and the faithfulness of my Savior as the Summer is quickly nearing an end and its BACK TO SCHOOL!

Chicago was FUN! The kids earned FREE tickets to Six Flags through their reading program, and the weather was perfect! I typically highly dislike July in IL, if you like to breathe, you just can't! Its hot and humid and sticky...my Pastor says, "the air is like soup." And if anyone has ever been to Six Flags on a 90+ degree day...you know what I mean, BUT our day was not like that!  We had PERFECT weather and the kids had a wonderful time.  All the kiddos went on a roller coaster (without loops) for their first ride. Everyone was a big fan except Silas. Then Eli and I went on one WITH loops, we both said no to a second ride. Nuff said. Daddy and Eli went on a coaster too, and they both enjoyed it. I loved that Six Flags had lots of kiddie sections throughout the park. We all got super hero capes before we left!
We visited Lake Michigan, it was freezing, but fun. When we first arrived in Chicago we went to American Girl first. I wanted to see the store and experience the hype of it all. Z noticed we were going into the city and NOT towards Aunt Ashley's house and she declared, "Who is this American Girl anyways? I just want to go to Safina's!" Brett and I both giggled.  But once she stepped into the store, it clicked and she was in "heaven."  I was in shock.  She bought her doll a pair of glasses and some fake food, it was a pleasant experience.  Eli and the boys along with Daddy really enjoyed the Lego store next door, everyone got a little something and then we headed to Aunt Ashley's.  I will say...Chicagoland area has the BEST public parks EVER!  Our little town of Charleston, needs to step up their game.  We could have spent a whole day traveling to different parks...fun, fun, fun!

I love this picture, the lighting, the flowers, the people.

 My grandbaby Kenzley on the slide w/ Safina and Kenenisa

Lake Michigan!

 Super Heroes!

 Chicagoland area park!  Seriously fun!

 American Girl doll store!

 Before we entered Six Flags!

 My boys LOVED all the characters!

 Another city park. Brett is hanging and going around in circles!

 Lego Clone Tropper

K & Bugs!

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

In a box

The past couple of weeks a friend has been reading through the book of Acts.  She has been studying the early church.  Encouraging me to take a look, and I have.

Yesterday I started a new Bible study on the books of James (God must have more for me because I just finished a James study a month ago).  Always more to learn...that's my perspective anyway. Today as I began day two of my new study...I'm reading ACTS!  God is neat like that!

I'm reminded today about how easy it is for us to stay in our comfortable little box. We want to hold onto Biblical law. We want justice at any price. A price higher than what Jesus has already paid. We impose that on ourselves and those around us. So did the people of long ago. Even the early church had "much debate." They wanted the law of circumcision obeyed. (Acts 15:1)  But God in all his GLORY had another plan. Peter reminded them that God cleansed their hearts by FAITH.  He also reminded them that they are ALL saved by grace, not by yokes that no one can bear.

Its so simple and yet so profound. God wanted to raise a "new" people.  He wanted to save ALL people and not by Biblical law or acts of works, but by FAITH and GRACE!

Are you in a box?  Can you step out of your box today and rest in the truth that God loves you right where you are at.  A broken sinner in need of a Savior.  No "circumcision" needed, just a complete surrender and acceptance of Jesus as your Lord and Savior.